[Big disclaimer, this is going to be a lengthy one but I want to give some context, little story if you will. So would recommend sitting down, grabbing a cuppa or whatever you wish, and have a read if you’d like to know the background! Enjoy]
If I’ve posted this, it means I’ve finally stopped stopping myself and I’ve officially relaunched my blog…again. Some of you who know me well, or were here 6 years ago (you officially have the patience of a saint, thank you for sticking around) may remember I’d actually began EST. SINCE 94 back in the summer of 2014. I believe it was July and potentially around the time of my first Boots internship! I’d remained fairly consistent through to 2015, interacting with the blogging community on Twitter and Instagram. Then I suddenly just lost my drive for it, and couldn’t find genuine inspiration to write anything. I didn’t want to be someone who wrote literally whatever for the sake of being consistent and always on, that’s not me. I realised I was getting bogged down with what other people were doing, and had come across the slightly b*tchier side to blogging, particularly on Twitter.
So I paused on the writing, pulled away from Twitter and turned my focus to Instagram, which I started to use as my main blogging platform. I was on my placement year at uni, which was one of my first proper office jobs, in turn for more smart casual outfits than my usual uni attire. With each post, my Instagram started to transition slightly to a #fblogger (fashion blogger) account, which some of friends had clocked onto and supported. I even managed to muster up the courage to do a round up post at the end of the year, after a a few sparse ones over spring and summer. But as placement year came to an end, and the pressures of final year started to loom, blogging on here or on Instagram just stopped. I still loved writing, I even had loads of posts written up as notes or drafts on here, pretty much ready to go if I wanted to. So why didn’t I? Truthfully, I just had no courage or inspiration to do it anymore, and more so, to do it somewhat consistently – which was my main concern at the time. Along with competing against the slow stats day to day. I noticed that as my mental health wavered in the wrong direction, my enthusiasm for things I once enjoyed did too.
Ask my friends and family, I could be quoted saying “I’m going to relaunch my blog” probably every year for the last 4 years. Shout out to my Mum, Becky and Missy for being my chief cheerleaders and telling me to go for it, each and every time I’ve said I’m going to relaunch and didn’t. Even my brother offered his photography services to help. I’d still add it to my job applications, even though I’d not touched it in a while, and if they asked why I’d not posted recently I’d say I’m re-branding. Which I did…a few times. Say hi to new theme 1, new theme 2, What Esther Did (yep a whole name change), back to EST. SINCE 94, and probably another handful or two of theme changes. And yet, still no new content. I started adding it as a prayer point for myself, asking God to show me signs or to give me some inspo and confidence to start up again. There was a time in summer 2019, where I’d won a huge beauty giveaway at work and Fenty Beauty had launched at Boots, and I remember excitingly telling my mum this was my sign I’m gonna do it. I didn’t. But what I noticed is that I was closer to doing it, and I felt more inspired than I had in a while. Progress. The draft posts continued, and I’d revisit my blog every so often.
I’d say the turning point has to be lockdown 2020. The first time in years for many of us where we’ve had time to pause, think and revisit forgotten hobbies and passion projects. Following one of my online Sunday church services, I was led to add courage to my prayer points, which developed into courage and creativity and later to launch my blog. I know some reading this will get what I mean, and it may seem far fetched to others, but truly taking my worries (big or small) to God, as well as family and friends, helped me through. Taking something as “small” as my blog was actually huge for me, and not impossible for Him.
“So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you.””
Deuteronomy 31:6 NLT
I had more time to properly delve into my skincare and makeup, refine the posts I’d drafted, and review the ones I’d previously done. Can’t lie, I cringed a little at some of the posts, but proud of some others. I could easily edit and update them but I thought I’d leave them be, as these were my genuine thoughts and techniques at the time, albeit somewhat questionable, but nevertheless authentic. You may notice they’re not here at the moment, as I’ve decided to archive them to make way for new content I’ve been working on, and maybe someday in the future they’ll come back.
Has anything changed from the last time? Yes and no. Yes I’ve finally bought my own domain, which was a sign of commitment, and investing in myself. I’ve also decided not to put so much pressure on myself or compare myself to what everyone else is doing, or worry about what people will think. So to an extent, I’m not. Long posts, short posts, YouTube channels, daily posts, schedules – its a LOT to think about. One thing that held me back was thinking I needed to know it all or be a pro, have the best and latest everything, when its just not true. I’ve not claimed to be or have any of those, and I maintain the fact I’m here to share my own experiences, love for the industry and if in the process that helps someone else manoeuvre in a space that can sometimes be overwhelming, then that’s a huge bonus that I’d gladly welcome! [It’s funny as whilst I’m writing this, I’m clocking myself and having to edit out the apologetic language I’m so used to leading with. We thank God for growth]
Yes in that I’m trying to step up my creativity and content game, on here and also on my Instagram. I’m generally trying to be more creative with my photography again, even if it is just on iPhone for now, and the process of doing that includes posting some different things on my personal IG,particularly playing around with Reels. Plus, just, plucking up the confidence to actually post them, so bare with me and when you see them, please show some love – a little reassurance goes a long way haha! The plan at the moment is not to create a separate insta account for the blog, as to me all of its personal so may as well keep them together for the time being. I’ll review as time goes on but think this would work for me, so hope the feeling is mutual.
Nothings changed in that I’m still absolutely terrified, and having second thoughts even whilst writing this. I’ve changed the goalpost for launch day so many times already, dating back to May to my birthday and most recently NYE. So many things as to why I’m so scared, but this post is long enough already. The other thing, probably the biggest, that hasn’t changed is my enthusiasm and love for beauty and writing and representation. This year more than ever, I’ve come to realise that my voice no matter how big or small matters. And if I’ve got something to share that boosts representation for those of us underrepresented (dark skin black women especially), then who am I to withhold that. There were some posts shared by Magnify, a Christian fashion magazine, which really resonated and encouraged me to put my thoughts – and drafts – into action. I love a lot of their content but especially their Fear vs Faith posts, tips and positive affirmations that continually brought me back from those imposter syndrome wobbles, and I’m so grateful for what God is doing through them.
So here we are, launch day – can you belieeeve it!? As awful as 2020 was in many aspects, I will be forever grateful for the gift of time, gift of appreciation and re-ignition of my passions as without any of the circumstances, I don’t think I’ll be posting or maybe even writing this. I’ve struggled a lot, but truly, having this blog as my creative outlet has helped me through. Taking time to just play with makeup has been a great release, even a form of therapy, especially whilst being on waiting lists or just needing a moment to myself.
What can you expect on here? I’d say my tagline sums it up pretty well – “beauty, lifestyle and everything in between”. My main love and focus is beauty as potentially expected, and I’m thrilled with the variety of content I’ve already put together and those to come. The Lifestyle section has been revamped, in that I’ve included travel, food and lastly “thoughts and reflections“. The latter came about as I noticed in the second half of the year I clearly had a lot to say, as a lot had been happening in my personal life and in the outside world, all during the continuing pandemic. Whew. Amidst the BLM resurgence, I’d found myself writing over 5 pages of very unfiltered, honest, sometimes painful thoughts; same again on Covid deniers [insert eye roll here], and again with reflecting on 2020. There are some of these I’ll post, others I’ll keep hold of for a bit longer, but expect pretty straightforward, again longer reads in this section; with varying themes concerning mental health, health challenges, life ramblings, faith and more. As if this post hadn’t given it away already, I really enjoy writing and have done since I could. I even wanted to be a beauty journalist or an author at one point, just like my faves Meg Cabot, C.S. Lewis, Road Dahl and queen Jacqueline Wilson. So what I’m saying is as much as I try to keep majority of posts as short as possible, the likelihood is that they can be lengthy – you’ll see this word a lot. I try my best to be succinct where I can, especially at work, but I guess here this is my slice of internet so no rules hehe.
I really hope you enjoy all the content to come on EST. SINCE 94; I’ve worked hard but enjoyed taking my time on each one. Equally, if you don’t that’s fine too, I’m happy with what I’ve created – (just don’t tell me you don’t like it though. Don’t get it twisted, I’m happy with my work but still sensitive and human).
And with that I leave you to explore – well done if you’ve made it to the end of this, I truly appreciate your time. If you want to know a bit more about me, feel free to head to the about section. Here’s to no longer moving the goalposts, feeling the fear and doing it anyway.
Enjoy and speak to you soon!
Esther xxx
Proverbs 18:16
EST. SINCE 94 